Thursday, December 10, 2009


So I intially got into blogging (not so much myself, but reading blogs) when I was interested in losing weight (still am, but currently doing nothing about it). Then I found blogs about infertility and these blogs really pulled at my heart strings because I too have a problem. Then I read a couple of step-mom blogs and thought hey, I'm one of those, truly, really one of those that lives it everyday of her life. Maybe that will work for me, and to some extent it has. Here is my "dilemma" per se, I always knew that the BF did not want anymore children. I was fine with that as I knew it would be difficult for me to conceive having PCOS and endo and now you can add overweight. Well last night, the BF tells me, "Can't they get your egg and shoot it up with my sperm and stick it in you (this would be Invitro Fertilization IVF)." I tell him yeah, that can be done. And he says, "it doesn't matter if you carry it or someone else carries it, as long as it's me and you providing everything." Okay? No idea where this is coming from, but okay. So I let him know that, hey, it costs about 10 grand to do that, and that is if it works. He tells me, "you don't really need a new car do you?" WTH!
People, do not get me wrong, I have always dreamed of having a child of my own, well, not just one but several. I was 19 when I found out about the difficulties that were going to be if I wanted a child. I cried and I still cry, every now and then when a friend or family member finds out they are with child. I think to myself, how unfair life is. I have rescinded to being childless and my womb never being filled with the life of a growing child. Now this! I know I am going to be absolute basket case when our attempts fail. I am the type of person that looks toward the negative for fear of getting my hopes up and then being let down. Inside I am just beaming and want show how elated I am to hear those words uttered out of the BF's mouth. On the outside, I am frowning and hurting because I do not want to disappoint the BF if nothing ever happens.
I'm not sure if I should start a separate blog if we do decide to go forward with trying to conceive (TTC) or just post updates on this same blog??? I do not even know where any of this is going to go, but I am terrified beyond belief that this is even a possibility. And the SD is already 11 and if it doesn't "take" right away she could very well be 15 before anything happens. That is a huge age gap either way. Not sure what to think of this.

1 comment:

  1. There are 10 years between me and my brother. It makes for an incredible gap and makes alot of differences between your lives. However, we have always had a very good relationship and we have always been close. So, I believe it is never to late and the age gap just makes for more to love the baby!